I've been a little upset over the last few days. I can't believe i stopped swimming. I mean, wow. It was my life; i had lots of friends, had lots of fun, and was very good at it. I recently looked over the Pittsburgh top times and other non-sense, and saw the 100 butterfly top times of this year. God fucking damn it my best time would have been like 3rd or maybe 4th. This all comes at the light of Ricky and his stardom at the moment. For those of you who don't know who i am talking about google "Ricky Henahan." He's a good friend of mine, who iv'e sadly not been in superb contact with. We are really best friends, we can hang out anytime and just good around. The thing is Ricky has been, even though he is younger, kinda of someone i looked up to. He was bigger, faster, and an all around better swimmer. He inspired me. Ricky and I always talked about the most random shit and had insane things to talk about; i remember drives to Fairport during which i taught Ricky the proper way to tell a girl to leave him alone, and the proper way of burning a bridge - both of these are obscene sexual gesture, which i care not to discuss.
The thing is, I've decided i love Ultimate. I love it so much. But swimming is still there. My unrequited love. How pathetic, ha. It's not so much that i miss working my ass of 2 hours in the morning and afternoon, to be tired and not be able to do anything with any one, but it's that i miss being great and being apart of a team that was exceptional. FAST (Fairport Area Swim Team) was the club that i swam for 3 years and had devoted a good portion of my life. My best friends were from there, my best memories are there, my greatest moments are there. I gained some of the best friends from swimming; Ricky, Todd, Brad, Dan, Hailey, Will... the list goes on. They were people i loved to be around: they would call me up, i would call them up, we'd have bon-fires, hang out, play halo, drive around for hours, eat ice cream.... everything. I lived a grand and hilarious life. Elias, our whipping boy, reminds me of the best story bar none:
Traditionally, after home/away meets we would celebrate our win, or drown our sorrows at our local BK. It had been a tradition followed for around 7 years, and was a great one. The thing about Elias Homerin is that he isn't normal. He has 3 balls, is somewhat disturbed, has a foot fetish, and is an absolute retard- but he was so loyal and annoying it hurt. He is Ricky's bitch, and was mine for the ladder half of my swimming career. On a side note, he has actually gotten a hell of a lot better, he made states and is becoming a decent swimmer, even though he has no form and is annoying as ever. But, i digress. BK, Elias, mischief. It all started after some meet we had lost, probably a meet Ricky and i had won in our events but the rest of our shit team couldn't even swim in, we got there before Elias and his van of people, and set down to eat our Grilled Chicken Sandwiches. Out of the corner of my ear, i hear an Elias retard noise (he makes wierd noises, and there is no point to them), so i ignore it. Two minutes later Elias and the rest of the people with him come back in tears, Elias was foodless, and everyone else couldnt stop laughing. What had happened? Elias had 7 dollars to spend, Elias is not normal, he spent 10 dollars, he asked if he could borrow the rest of the money.... from the lady at the counter. "I just need three dollars, can i just borrow it. I come here often, i'll pay you back." This story was awarded the "I'll Pay You Back" paper plate award.
Yet, why... why in a semi ultimate related blog, do i bring this up? I haven't had any of these moments yet. I feel a bit adrift in college life and i feel a little isolated. I think it's due to my nature. When i was at FAST i was forced into being with people, High School was an obvious duh, and i didn't worry about much. Now i am forced to think about my FAFSA forms, my next year living condition, working hard, working for money, making sure i had enough money, paying for tournaments, it's become overwhelming. I don't think it's so much overwhelming as much as i am just distressed. I need a friend to vent to, someone willing to put up with shit and help motivate me. With Ricky gone, and swimming for the moment on retainer, i feel empty and feel that i need something or someone to push me. Personally self motivation for me doesn't work. Seeing someone in lane 2 swimming next to you, and saying "fuck that I'm not losing to him" does push me. Ricky, for no particular reason other then being good and being a friend, pushed me to being a great swimmer - something i regret now completely giving up. Yet now i search for someone to push me to become a great ultimate player. Someone who will push me, care about me, and care about my struggle. I'm not clingy, I really don't think I am, I just want to be able to say, "Yeah he's my friend, he pushes me hard, and i really appreciate it."
“Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”
2 comments:
Let me know what time and when, and I'll push you to get better. So will anyone else. Be persistant, get a schedule down. I know I'm not throwing often enough right now.
Plus, I want to talk to you about this, cause I was in a very similar situation.
I quit fencing, got injured in my first college tournament, felt isolated from the rest of the team. Lost a group a friends in the spring, ended up living by myself. I was pretty miserable, and I isolated myself from almost everybody so it didn't show. It's pretty normal the first year of college, a lot of lifestyle changes, big and small, that affect more than you realize; distance relationship, coming in as a rookie, afraid of making mistakes, not knowing what college is all about, not knowing what the team is all about. It may be a surprise, but this isn't something new that you are going through.
Self-motivation can only take you so far... but asking for help when you need it will get you miles beyond where you think you could be. You need any advice, throwing, marking, positioning, defense, offense, anyone will be happy to spend the time giving it to you. Just make sure you do everything to the best of your ability every time, all the time, be it the gym three times a week, track workouts, swimming, core and leg stuff, cheering on the sideline, playing defense or offense. If you can't do something due to injury, then do what you can to make your healthy muscles stronger, your throws more accurate, faster, and powerful.
It took me a year at Pitt to make me realize how important this team is to me. It took me a year to realize that I needed to step up and work the hardest in order to be a good player.
Let me tell you something I learned from my experience last year. No one is going to pick you up if you don't ask for help. Find out when you're free, find out when someone on the team who you want to mentor you is free, and ask them to teach you something. Everyone on this team has the ability to teach someone else one thing, from hucks to where you should place your feet on the mark, to the way to think about the game, to how to get along with Vatz.
I'm not sure, but you seem to have a constructive attitude about all these changes. From what I've read here you've got a better attitude than I had my freshman year. Use it, buddy, to make yourself a better player, a better person in general. My attitude last year was completely wrong, here's a few free tips about attitude. Don't take "I'm injured" for "I can't do anything." Don't take "I'm not playing as much" as "I don't need to do as much work." Don't take "I feel isolated" for "The team is getting away from me."
Thanks Eddie. I am all about constructive criticism, but i don't seem to get a lot out of anything when i ask from people. All i was trying to say was I'm still looking for that great friend who is going to be with me through my ultimate highs and lows. Right now is pretty low for me, i feel not very useful, I'm working harder then ever but not getting any kind of tangible results, and when i do talk or say something people seem to have a 'in one ear out the other' tone or attitude. I know this team is important to everyone, and i know i have to work hard. It's not like I'm trying to have a grumpy attitude or have a chip on my shoulder, but i'm just a little distressed. ya know?
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